Emily McCluhan

The Next Step

I took a leap. I was part of the #greatresignation, #thebigquit, the #greatreshuffle. Choose your hashtag. At the time, it didn't feel brave or part of anything. It felt a little like failure wrapped in a layer of guilt for leaving my friends and co-workers behind. I'm a worker. I'm loyal. I was abandoning my job. But I know that if I had stayed, I would have failed in other ways.

The move I made is what I know I needed to do. So many times I've likened it to my divorce, something I don't talk about a lot because it still comes with those same feelings of failure and guilt. But a few years removed, I know that was the right decision because we are both happier now.

Here we are six months after leaving my job, and I am certain that was the right decision, too. I have zero regrets or guilt. My friend Val reminded me recently that failure is often confused with bravery. Think about it...now I know how to make the leap and it's less terrifying. It won't feel like failure next time because I know myself better.

I wrapped myself in the blanket of that thought and hope that others can feel this way too. You can't move forward or create boundaries or learn about yourself if you don't step back. And when you're so deep in it, stepping back is the hardest part. You can't see in front of you because you're blinded by anger, resentment...fear of failure. But when you're brave enough to step back and take a breath, it becomes so much more clear.

When I left, I told myself and my tiny bubble of a world that I wanted to give writing as a career a real shot. I'd give myself six months to see if I could hack it financially, emotionally and professionally. I explored so many avenues...more magazine writing, copy writing, proofreading, blogging, social media content. 

I quickly realized that magazine writing was my sweet spot. I kind of knew that all along, and I knew that wasn't something that could bring in a sustainable income for quite a while. But storytelling is my jam. I love the research and interviews and piecing it all together. The rest of it didn't feel like writing...it just felt like marketing and not something I could see myself doing day in and day out.

So when a friend reached out about a position at Sondermind, a company with people I know and trust, I decided to take a tiny step towards it. I wasn't convinced I was ready to re-enter the world I left, but in all of this self-exploration with writing, I also had the chance to evaluate what I missed and enjoyed about corporate life...the relationships, the structure, not having to pay a shit-ton for health insurance. I also want to see if I can make an impact not just at the company, but in the lives of those who I work with.

After a few interviews, it all felt right. I'm hoping I've found all of the above in my new role. It combines an industry I'm passionate about (mental health), with a start-up that's growing into a "real" company where I can make an impact, and people that I truly enjoyed working with in the past.

I have no idea if it's the right decision long term, but it's the right decision right now. And the beauty of my writing hobby is that I can still nurture it and lean on it when I need an outlet.

But my curiosity and excitement to learn something new is waiting in the wings; my emotional and mental state is recharged for the politics and mediation that come with the corporate world; and my heart is ready to lead again. But damn, I've really enjoyed having a six-month break from the grind. Off to the next adventure!